Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
