does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Vodka?
Forever.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
