my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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