Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
