So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
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I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
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I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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