I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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