New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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