Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
