I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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