So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
