Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
