i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
