i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
