Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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