Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
