Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
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your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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