is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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