they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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