I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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