party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wear drunk well.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
