I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
