The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
false alarm, still single
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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