call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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