fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
