ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
