I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
