hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
