Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
