he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
