guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
