Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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