After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
