Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
