walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
