We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
