nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
