I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
