Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
