Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
