I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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