Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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