I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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