I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize