She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
