I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Congratulations! We have a period
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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