so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
