Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
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