From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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