Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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