How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
