I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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