He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
