TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
