Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
