Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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