You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
