mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
