PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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