Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
