okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
