hell yes lets make some ravioli
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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