I wish my penis had an off switch
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
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He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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