i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I need a burrito and a hug.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
