I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
