she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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