There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
