so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
