You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
