i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
