also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
this is an emotional support booty call
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
