We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
