I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
