So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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