maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
